Author Archives: Drastique

About Drastique

Still on probation

Ode to Anna

From Dora on behalf of the peloton

Oh Anna, we will miss you Anna
Not least ‘cos thou art like a Bananna
All goodness on the inside
Brightly coloured and a little dotty on the out

Oh Anna, don’t go Anna
Like a desert misses the rain
Like the Muggles miss the train
Like Schleck misses Luigi
Like we all love the GG
Like Stratos misses Blue Steel
Like the grate misses Ravi’s wheel
We will miss you Banana Peel

Like Norman misses the long way
Like LDF misses race day
Like Goaders loves a High-Viz
Like Flash loves a quick wizz
Like Wilson misses Heavy Metal
Like Mondays miss a soft pedal
Like Brownie loves a new spanner
Like Boolay loves an old Bandana
We will miss you Anna Bananna

Like Jenny misses good nutrition
Like Half loathes the human condition
Like Chippo misses a perv
Like a car door misses a swerve
Like Spicey loves a long chat
Like the B1ses hate a double flat
Like Dragon misses Jeff Wiggle
We will all miss Anna’s giggle

Like Lunchie misses dessert
Like the 4 Horses put on ‘the hurt’
Like Navigatius misses a halo
Like Comet loves a ‘no show’
Like Drastic misses a fling
Like his arm misses a sling
Like Magoo fails to miss anything
We will miss you Ms Bananna

Come back soon.

Two Little Boys

Two little boys had two little toys
Easy Riders both of course
Gaily they played each summers day
Up a mountain named after a dead horse
One little chap then had a mishap
Passing a cramping Saint Nav
Wept for his toy, then cried with joy
As his young Easy Rider mate said

Did you think I would leave you crying
When there’s room on my wheel for two
Pedal up here, Danny Boy and don’t be crying
I can go just as fast with two
When we grow up we’ll both be Foundation Members
And our bicycles will not be toys
And I wonder if we’ll remember when we were
Two little boys

Long hours past, “undulations” ridden so fast
Bravely they cranked away
Flat tyres popped loud and in the sag wagon
Wounded and dying lay
Up goes a shout, Saint Nav finally crashes out, after admittedly giving it his all
the previous day
Cathie crests the rise and flogs all the boys, categorically winning the day
And then Simba to Danny says…

Did you think I would leave you dying
When there’s room on my wheel for two
Suck back another gel Danny, we’ll soon be flying
I can go just as fast with two
Did you say Danny I’m all a tremble, perhaps it’s the carbo load
But I thinks it’s that I remember when we last did the Fluffer with Big Goads

Do you think I would leave you dying
There’s room on my wheel for two
Climb up this Godforsaken hill Danny, we’ll soon be flying
Back to the crystal cranks so true
Can you feel Danny I’m all a tremble, perhaps it’s because in a coupla weeks
We’re going to feel even worse than we do now when we have a crack at Three Peaks!

Charlotte Pass

Twas the night after Dead Horse, when all through the house,
None of the ER’s were stirring, (just Cathie checking the radar at 3am?!).

The ER’s were nestled, all snug in their beds,
Visions of the “undulations”, playing over and over in their heads.

The steeds were all parked, in the pool room with care,
In the hopes that come morning, our legs would still be there.

Come breakfast we united, Cathie and Briony in knicks,
Everyone else in jeans and jumpers, assuming the girls’ heads were full of bricks.

For the mountain was dark, the rain came and went,
The radar warning of mischief, cancellation text messages hurriedly sent.

Outside the weather threatened, but four stepped to the plate,
For Drastic, Zlatko, Briony and Cathie, the desire to conquer Charlottes Pass was simply too great.

The four gathered at the Petrol Station, (extremely good looking) support crew in tow,
Wondering what the mountain held, whether it be rain, wind or possibly snow.

Briony held on as best as she could, but off the back she eventually fell,
Leaving Zlatko, Cathie and Drastic, to fight for the title of the first to conquer hell.

Following Briony’s journey, was a navy blue four-wheel drive,
Piloted by the holy Saint Nav and Saint Nick, providing the encouragement to ensure she would arrive.

Briony kept climbing, and climbing, and climbing,
And then did some more climbing, and then there was some new climbing.
(35km of climbing for those following along at home)

Counting down the chain bays, riding through the mountain moors,
The pain in her legs, not made mention of in any of PD’s brochures.

Through Perisher and the pinnacle was in sight! Just a final 2km over the ridge,
When a noise caught Briony’s attention.. NOT ANOTHER FLAT…. YOU FU&@#^! BIT#!

Saints Nav and Nick, had proceeded to the peak,
Leaving Briony alone, adding to her poorly timed punctures streak.

Down flew Cathie, and a newly kitted out Dave,
Dave stopped to lend assistance, Cathie continued with a wave.
(But it was freezing and she did apologise as she flew past!)

With no tools on hand, Briony held her wheel in the air,
Saints Nav and Nick arrived, with Drastic’s wheel as a spare.

The final little kilometres, were done at some pace,
Briony arrived at the top – a new trophy for the case.

The decent was unreal, fitting reward for the climb,
The thought of finally being able to take of wet and cold socks – simply sublime.

 

Thanks to the support crew – Nick and Mark who followed me (later accompanied by Drastic)

Laurie and Dave in the other vehicle.

Everyone who bailed on Sunday missed a fantastic ride!!

Best of luck to all for 3 Peaks and thanks to PD for organising an epic weekend

Rider of the Week #26 – Dora

1. Tell us about yourself?

Like the semi-professional LDF & eponymous Virgin, the decidedly amateur Dora was born in Johannesburg in the early ‘70s.

Shortly thereafter, motivated in equal measure by a distaste for apartheid and the lure of the wide brown land of opportunity, Dora’s hippy parents set sail for these fair shores and settled into a quiet existence on the Mid North Coast of NSW – a five acre bush block, 5km out of  town on the road  from Kempsey to Crescent Head.

2. What got you into cycling?

From the early days as a country kid there were bikes around. Typically battered but well-loved, these dragsters and later BMXes, were great liberators from the boredom.  All the best (and most dangerous) adventures were made possible by these faithful machines.

Behind YHC’s house, a long dirt track led to an old quarry which became a primary source of entertainment and escape. Hours were spent building jumps and circuits and sliding in gravel with increasing risk to limbs and skin as we egged each other on to ever more dangerous efforts.

3. How did you come to join the Easy Riders?

Years later YHC has a family of his own (wife Lana, kids Will (7) Rafael (5) & Abi (2) – the latter famous for indiscriminately assaulting other revellers with a golden reindeer at the ER Xmas party) and is settled on the North Shore of Sydney not far from Artarmon station. About six months ago, a career change found YHC again commuting to the CBD, riding some days, catching the train others.

YHC heard tell of a ‘bike bus’ populated primarily with MAMILS that ran down the Nth Shore line. Next day, slightly miffed at the delay, YHC was required to wait before crossing Tindale to catch the 7.05 to Wynyard as a long stream of Egg and Tomato clad warriors mounted on steeds of steel, alu and carbon flew past. Minutes later, crammed into the BOF cheek and jowl with the Muggles, YHC resolved to intercept the peloton and do his best to keep up. YHC has been doing the same most every day since.

From there it’s been brilliant fun getting slowly fitter and faster with no end of additional challenges to extend the 10km sprint from Artarmon to the CBD – early dashes up to Gordon for a full run in, Rhodes on a Friday, Fluffers, Flambies and, best of all, the sacred pilgrimage to the GG for Friday prayer.

4. Tell us about your bikes?

For the first few months YHC has been chugging around on an old but extremely reliable Trek 1000 purchased for $500 from a friend a few years ago.

Come Christmas, Santa found the name ‘Dora’ at the top of the ‘well behaved’ list and rewarded him with a Trek 5.2 which he’s been riding ever since.

However, ‘n+1’ syndrome has set in – these days YHC is often to be found with iPad in hand trawling through eBay listings of the sacred steel as well as annoying other members of the peloton with “is that steel?”, “Reynolds or Columbus?”, “really, what number?” and so on.

5. If you could ride anywhere in the world where would it be?

It’s a cliché but hopefully forgivable – France when the Tour is on.

6. Tell us a riding story:

Once upon a time, YHC was once driving home about 7pm through the backblocks of Sydney’s inner west (between Glebe and Fish Markets). Stopped at the lights with the sun setting in the west, YHC could see a cyclist coming from the right and a car coming from the left which was slowing to turn right across the path of the cyclist.

Perhaps assuming he’d been seen the cyclist continued to pump along at a fair clip through the intersection. The motorist slowed but then accelerated through the right hand turn and perfectly t-boned the cyclist sending him spinning into the air before crunching onto the road.

YHC flicked on the hazards and went to the assistance of the cyclist who was in shock and pretty banged up. At this point YHC observed his courier’s livery. True to form the first thing he wanted to know was “is my bike ok?” and took it badly when the mangled device was dragged into view.

To truly add insult to injury, the motorist then began berating and swearing at the bike courier for “not giving way”.

So the next few minutes YHC had his hands full trying to call Ambulance and Police, keep the patient still in case of spinal or other injury and intervene between him and the driver (who’s next move, once the severity of the incident was apparent, was to try to depart the scene before the constabulary arrived).

Said officials were there quickly and YHC was able to leave the situation in their capable hands after providing details and a short statement.

Next day YHC was at work in the city visiting a customer. Coming down in the lift the doors opened at another floor and in stepped a bike courier with a heavily grazed face and his arm in plaster. Sure enough it was him (what are the chances?) and we stopped and chatted on the ground floor. Turns out the bike was a complete write-off, the wrist was broken and he was still shaking off the mild concussion.

Never knew his name but is should be ‘Ken Hard.

7. Do you have any advice for the riders at the back of the ER peloton?

The jokes are funnier at the back.

8. Lastly, tell us something we don’t know about you.

When I was younger I lived in Japan for a year and for a few weeks I dated Nicole Kidman’s cousin (not at the same time).

Rider of the Week #25 – Ravi the Grate

1. Tell us a bit about yourself

I am a bean counter who likes to pretend I can ride a bike. I live in Wahroonga where all the aspiring MAMILS congregate. I am married to Megan, who has now accepted my addiction to cycling is not a passing phase and have two daughters who hate seeing their dad wear lycra.

2. What got you into cycling?

We moved buildings and I lost my permanent car spot in 2008. Best thing that happened to me. I hated catching the train to work. One day my boss Ashley Fenton told me I should try and find that bike track from Chatswood to the city as I may like it. My old Giant steelframe mountain bike ventured out one morning in January 2009, found this track and the rest is history.

3. How did you come to join the Easy Riders?

I mentioned to Peter McNamara who was doing some work with me I had started riding. He told me I should join the Easyriders as it was safer than riding alone. I got onto the email list and three months later took my first ride with the group after talking to Captain and Satnav by email.

4. Tell us about your bikes.

I own a trusted aluminium Argon 18 Plutonium which has survived two crashes and still does the commute well, the Pinarello FP7 which flies up hills as some have noted and still keep my 20 year old Giant Steelframe Mountain bike.

5. If you could ride anywhere in the world, where would it be?

I love riding the Adelaide Hills. Want to try a TDF stage one day but still think Adelaide Hills scenery is hard to beat (go Beebs).

Ravi at the Tour Down Under

l_Ravi1

 

6. Tell us a riding story.

Has to be my first ride with the Easyriders. The Argon was on a flatbar back then. Satnav said join the group at Gordon and he would hang back with me. He did. I had to push the bike up the Esses at Roseville on my first morning and by Boundary was finding it hard to stand up. It was a damp cold July morning as it had been raining. We got to the Artarmon path and I said to Satnav I knew the way go on. He still hung back so I decided to catch the group. I accelerated then had to brake suddenly along a grate. All I remember is the back wheel sliding from under me so I applied front wheel brakes and went over the handle bars. Satnav first on the scene got me to sit on a rock whilst he rang an ambulance. Up till then I had never broken a bone but I knew I had done just that. I was operated on that evening. Still have the titanium plate and six screws. Actually was too embarassed to feel any pain. I remember the Peppous and B2Bs coming through talking to Satnav as the ambos arrived then went gaga as they gave me the gas. Captain later named in the the ride report “Ravi the Grate”. A ride not to forget. Megan told me not to ride with the ERs again as for six months I was riding alone and nothing happened! Good thing I didn’t take her seriously…..

7. Do you have any advice for the riders at the back of the ER peloton?

My advice for riders at the back of the peloton is don’t try to get to the front as I will get left behind (I’m still at the back four years later). My philosophy is it is all about enjoying the ride and the company. I like a challenge but am not competing with anyone except myself to improve. I try to set small achievable goals and stick to them.

8. Lastly, tell us something we don’t know about you.

In my school years I was known as the “concert pianist” and harboured ambition of one day performing with the SSO. At uni I could not complete both my music and accounting studies and with 8 job offers from all the major accounting firms after finishing my economics degree I decided the money in music did not compensate the ambition. I failed my final music exams and have hardly touched a piano since.

Rider of the Week #24 – PD

1. Tell us a bit about yourself

Born and bred in Sydney too many years ago to remember, I settled in the sunny north shore after moving around Australia for University and work, I have 2 sensational teenage daughters, a caffeine addiction and should be a shareholder with Vic in the bitter and twisted!

2.  What got you into cycling?

I started riding as a kid. My old man was an Oncologist who also had a small old fashioned private practice doing home visits and having his patients come to our home. One of his patients, Jim, was a very keen cyclist having taken it up as a mid-life cancer survivor. At the time I had just got my first bike (at the age of 10 which I will come to later). Jim picked up the enthusiasm with which I attempted to throw my little legs over an ill-fitting 23” frame. He took me under his wing, got me riding a bit of distance, had a bike built for me by Jim Bundy (I still have the frame), introduced me into Northern Suburbs Amateur Cycling Cub and the rest is history.

PD

Well it was history. A driver’s licence, University, job, mortgage and all those things that get in the way of cycling saw the bike relegated to the back of the garage where it stayed for 20 years. At the age of 40 odd, a hobbit size fella weighing in at 77kg was having trouble keeping up with his two athletic young daughters so things had to change. Thinking I was too precious to ride a bike on the road, I went out and bought myself a cheap mountain bike and began the long grind back to fitness. For the first few rides it was me that broke; then slowly but surely it was the bike that came out second best. Every ride resulted in hours of repair work to the point where I started riding a MTB on the road. That was the point where I realised my destiny and returned to road riding. A new carbon road bike became the newest member of the family, the same LeMond I ride today.

3. How did you come to join the Easy Riders?

Living in the Hobbit shire West of the Pacific Highway, I started commuting into the city through Brown’s Waterhole and Lane Cove National Park – which is still one of my favourite commutes.

With my bike tucked neatly beside my desk at work, I heard the too familiar sound of tick tick tick and saw another cyclist sneakily bringing their bike onto the floor. This unusual fella not only named his bike, he also called it a cappuccino pursuit vehicle. Yeah you guessed it – BUCKY was sitting at the other end of the floor and as cyclists do we introduced ourselves and realised that we shared a love of cycling, place of work and a postcode.

Bucky told me about this group he commutes with from Gordon most mornings and enthusiastically introduced me onto the ER email list. My productivity has never been the same – but the richness of friendships and support (on and off the bike) has never looked back. I became an occasional rider, then semi-regular and although not a ‘Nav-man there aren’t too many days when I can’t be seen sailing along the OTP.

4. Tell us about your bikes.

My commuter is a Gary Fisher Super Calibre 26” dual suspension mountain bike with fully knobby tyres. Why would anyone commute on anything else? Its ride position for the road is – inefficient at best. Everyone rolls past me downhill when I am madly spinning my biggest gear. You can hear the tyres coming a mile away – everyone knows who’s behind them. 5 days commuting on the MTB and I’m stuffed for the week. Occasionally it even gets ridden off road.

My roadie is a LeMond Versailles that has been my trusty companion over tens of thousands of kilometres. Pina envy has tempted me a few time to upgrade, so far I’ve stayed faithful to the old girl that has been through a life changing transformation with me  – so we will march on for many more years to come.

Before taking my 20 year break from cycling I had matching road and track bikes. They hung at the back of a garage unloved for many years. TSS joyously eyed them off and a project was set in motion. Beautifully restored they are now squeezed into a garage full of big boy’s toys.  They are a thing of beauty.

[Editors note: we need pictures here PD]

5. If you could ride anywhere in the world, where would it be?

Being a Peloton Sports rider, after each ride I attach myself to Veronika’s intravenous espresso machine in Bar Stelvio and look longingly at the picture of Stelvio Pass. One day I keep saying!!

Stelvio

6. Tell us a riding story.

Being the son of a Doctor who had spent much of his early medical career dealing with motorcycle and cyclist injuries, I was not allowed to have a bicycle. With much persistence I wore him down and at the age of 10 I got my first bike. There were many conditions that went with it and one of those was I couldn’t ride on the road. How he believed that I use to race a push bike competitively at state level without riding on the road is still a mystery. A parental blind eye I don’t doubt.

The ER older set will remember the train strikes of the 1980’s that brought Sydney traffic to a standstill. Unbeknown to my father I use to ride to school in the city from Hunter’s Hill. My father thought I was catching the ferry with my bike. Train strike or not, being an indestructible teenager I set off to school, riding between the lanes of traffic over the Gladesville Bridge and straight past a television news crew. I didn’t think anything more of it. That night, about to sit down to family dinner the ABC news came on. My father would always turn the television off as he had firm views on meal time etiquette. Because of the train strikes he unfortunately decided he would watch the first few minutes of the news and there in full glory at the very start of the news was me lane splitting through the traffic. I think it was about a month before I was allowed to even look at the bike again.

7. Do you have any advice for the riders at the back of the ER peloton?

Enjoy the ride and don’t worry whether you’re at the front or the back.

8. Lastly, tell us something we don’t know about you.

You mean other than having hairy feet and living underground? To add to my father’s woes of riding a push bike, I also ride a motorcycle. It’s not just a little one, it weighs more than three times my weight and puts an ear to ear grin on your face when you ride it with in the gusto the engineers designed it with. Alas, hours on the pushy meant it’s now been relegated to the back of the garage.

The Mavis perspective … week 2 (Bike Budgets)

Due to my naive* interpretation of the feedback I received to last week’s edition, I’m back again with another reflective message.

I want to echo Ben Lee’s (or is it Daffy?) sentiment – quite a group you have going here.   I reconnected with Old Spice yesterday – we used to sleep through the same lectures at uni 30 years ago!

Part way through week 2, I’m happy with progress, even managed a ride home last night with the 6pm bus, safely directed by Old Spice and Norman.  From St Ives I rode with MRE along MV Rd and down Forest Way, then solo to Seaforth and finally home to Allambie.  45km!  After taking a 25km route to work, I covered 70km yesterday – and didn’t hear those legs until I got home.

(As I type this, my legs are mumbling –  “You deaf head – too many rock concerts in the 80s and “We woke you up 5 times last night with cramps, what does it take to get the message through?” )

Enough of the emotional soppy group hug stuff and the painful physical update – over to the topic for this week:

Bike Budgets – or to put it another way:  “How can I get away with spending lots of money on my bike and not get busted by my wife?”

To those ERs who ride under a male ride name (I’m assuming that is the females of our group) my apology for the sexist assumption underlying the alternate title for this week’s topic.  I promise that next week’s ramblings will be more attuned to your tastes.

The tips below come with no guarantee, and you can be pretty sure that if one approach works this week, it will not work next week.

In the end, it all comes down to psychology – and being a lawyer, I know more about psychology then anyone (except other lawyers).  It was part of first year law – not psychology – knowing everything.  All lawyers learn that they actually know everything about every topic known to man (and even those topics not thought of by anyone yet) just by virtue of them completing law.  How else can judges sit and make decision about anything and everything?  😉

But I digress – back to psychology – that is you know which buttons set off your significant other.

So what do we know to help us?  A few things that are pretty commonly experienced:

  • That for some reason, our significant other has a soft spot for us (when we are not disappointing that significant other);
  • Generally, money is not important in a relationship, it is time that counts;
  • If I change my approach to money, my partner doesn’t like to be told, but would rather be able to understand;
  • Money becomes a focus if we make it the focus.

So let us just imagine that you have just seen your dream bike – imagine a shiny yellow and black 2012 BMC Cadel Evans signature edition – with your favourite number “34” on it.  Unless the owner decides to let it go for $100, the price is likely to exceed you delegated (or single signature approved) authority.  How can you justify the spendFAIL  – as soon as you start trying to justify the expense, you have lost.

You should let the Cadel go – until you can lay the foundations for success:

(You wouldn’t do the 3 peaks without some sort of training?)

  • Highlight the importance of cycling to your well-being:
    • You have a hot body thanks to your riding (ok – maybe don’t go that hard – but you are in better shape than if you didn’t ride at all)
    • You are more relaxed due to the way you commute one or more times each week  (don’t yell at the kids from the couch when you are totally wrecked from having ridden 70kms in a day – on top of a day at work – trust me 😉 )
    • Highlight the extra time you can spend with your loved ones:
      • You save time by doing your exercise in your commuting time, leaving more quality time you can spend with your partner and kids
      • Mention the dollar value of riding (but don’t go overboard or it will look like you are scheming)
        • You save money on bus/train fares by riding to work.

Once you have laid the foundation (over time) and you have demonstrated the benefits mentioned above (eg take your partner out on the money you have saved on fares and using the time you previously may have gone to the gym for a run) then you need to slip in the odd comment about servicing the bike etc.  It should become part of the fabric of your household, just like getting the car serviced – but with the exception that your saved bus/train fares could never come close to the cost of car service – in fact there is another saving – you don’t need to drive to the station anymore, so you save on car servicing.

I’ll leave it to you to work out all the possible benefits and justifications, but everyone knows that there comes a time with all cars, that you should get rid of it and replace it with a new or recent used car.  If you have laid the foundations for success – replacing your bike will just become another expense in the household budget.  Just make sure when you go shopping for a new kitchen, you don’t put the brakes on the budget – you always have to give the ultimate decision to the one who knows best – so if you talk about good value … you get where I’m heading yeah?

Then the end result is that you explain that the Cadel Bike cost nearly $27,000 brand new, so $15,000 is a real bargain …

For those who have read the whole of this perspective – you are a hardy lot.  I’m a lawyer – you are not supposed to believe anything I say – basically the above is just a load of (^@#.

Alternate strategies

In my experience, you have to act like a 5 year old, just keep asking until eventually the “no” turn into a “yes”.  Or live according to the rule that forgiveness is easier to get than permission.  Or work really really hard on that spreadsheet, adding up everything you have saved by riding (it still will not work) but threaten to kill yourself if your partner says no again – that’s really just a variation of acting like a 5 year old …

One thing that actually works (kinda)

The only thing I’ve found that helps (nothing works) is to have some mates over, let them give their opinion of what an awesome deal you got on that bike and how they wish they were as good a negotiator as you – for some reason, most spouses like to hear their other half get compliments – even stuff they said “no” to counts on this list (and once your partner has put your skilful purchasing skills on the “pros” list, the world is your oyster- or should I say bike shop?)

So the most important thing is – make sure your mates are free for a BBQ (and know what to say) the weekend after you pick-up that new bike!

Note:  No guarantees – good luck – I know a good divorce lawyer.

For more serious reading – http://www.marsvenus.com/

Happy cycling,

Mavis

* When people send me a compliment, I take it on face value – I’m actually prepared to fool myself that some folk get enjoyment from reading my dribble – anyway, I’ll continue in my state of delusion for  now …  😉

Inaugural Flambie Ride Report

As newly (self-) appointed Press Secretary for our Spiritual Leader, Le Bullet, the Cycling Sadhu, it is incumbent upon me to chronicle his greatest deeds for the global audience and future generations. In this capacity I lay this short passage before you.

Last Friday, for reasons known only to himself, the Good Shepherd Saint Navigation spruiked the running of the first Flambie, seizing upon the opportunity to welcome pink-jersey aspirant, Sam, with a ‘slightly more challenging’ way home than the sacred OTP.

And so it was that, on a hot 32 deg, 95% humidity Friday afternoon, we turned right instead of the holy left at SHBN and in what can only be described as blasphemy we strayed from the Golden Path to the GG, that most sacred house of Friday afternoon fellowship & libation.

Had it not been for the spiritual credentials of two of our crew I would have truly feared for my mortal soul. Our small band of heretics assumed a formation of sorts and rolled out – new girl Sam (ride name pending, I vaguely remember Bullet trialling ‘Cadel’), Bullet, SatNav, YHC and a homeward bound Mavis completing the quintuple.

Through the back streets of Kirribilli, Neutral Bay, Mosman we weaved our merry way. No rush, a long weekend ahead, embracing the key tenet of OAFATSR. With lots to look at and chat about, and encountering many other cyclists in a similar mood, revelling in the holiday atmosphere.

Down Parriwi and over the bridge we picked up a couple of GOTFR tokens from a passing STA bus clearly in a Friday afternoon fluster. Up Mont Seaforth at a slow and steady clip then the sprint along Pittwater Rd, SatNav demonstrating great SS skills with a mix of high cadence, drafting and crouching for max speed, the pilgrims arrived at the base of Mt Doom.

A quick farewell to Mavis and YHC looked for signs of trepidation in the new recruit but was disappointed – Sam merely grinned, took firm hold the Specialized’s reins and got stuck into the climb.

North of Frenchs Forest the group split further with SatNav and Bullet continuing north, Sam and YHC turning our steeds’ heads west to cross the much feared Roseville Speedway. Taking the advice of the Good Doctor Watsford, we erred on the side of caution and prudence and pulled our mounts onto the footpath for a couple of kilometres of windy, root-infested, debri-strewn, overgrown concrete before making it onto the bridge bikepath – no improvement here with large gaps between segments and open to the northerly cross-wind. All up a true bone rattler and not be repeated by any who care for their rims.

After the bridge, back around, under, then up and out for a pinchy climb through the back streets of Castle Cove. Ciao to Sam, then a gallop on to Chatswood and back home to Artarmon for a hot shower and a cold beer. Total ride time about 2 hours and well past the previously agreed hour with the good lady requiring appropriate levels of genuflecting and contrition from YHC as penance.

A small price to pay for yet another great Easy Riders adventure. Thanks again to SatNav for the inspiration and guidance. Strongly recommend the Flambie to all – a great complement to the Fluffer – get one or two of these in before daylight savings comes to an end.

Cheers
Dora

The Mavis perspective … week 1

Hi All,

I have “survived” my first 2 outings with the “Easy Riders” – both Allambie returns.

Here is my “report” – I hope some of you enjoy a few of my insights – glad I’m 15kg less than I was at the start of 2012 – I’d be dead otherwise …

Words in Blue are my Legs, Words in Red are my Head, Words in Green – how dumb am I? – sometimes there are other words from my arms …

 The Mavis Perspective

Sometimes I amaze myself at just how DUMB I can be !!!

  •  “… we only ride as fast as the slowest rider … “
  • “… join us, you will enjoy the ride …”
  • “… come to St Ives with us … we’ll wait for you …”

Shadowing Comet’s cry “wrecked” and Richard’s advice in response, I am today walking around without any legs (I can see them, but I can’t feel them).

I suppose it doesn’t take Einstein (but it does take someone smarter than me) to work out that a group of cyclists who want to add Allambie hill and an extra dozen kms to their homeward journey either:

  • Don’t really want to go home; or
  • Are suffering some sort of guilt trip for which they need to punish themselves.

Having made it to Corkery Cres on Tuesday, I promised to ride to the BP (Flers St) last night.

Yikes – still on a conference call at 5:10pm!  I hate rushing to meet a group – they are fresh and I’m puffed!  Why did I take a front position across the bridge?  Am I stupid?  (see above – YES)

The rest at Spofforth St as we waited for a flat tyre repair worked against me.  I thought it was good – to have a chance to recover – but clearly others recovered faster and more effectively than me …

As we headed off, staying near the front (not at the front this time) was simply my insurance policy for coming rises (anything short of a decline was a challenge) as I slipped back toward the rear, with pairs of ERs strolling on by.  Thank goodness for the red light at the bottom of Parriwi Road – another breather!  I grew up at the top of Battle Boulevard, so that hill and I have a natural rhythm – it is not a fast rhythm, but we have an understanding …

Yay – downhill to my place (my home is at the first roundabout as you head up Allambie hill).

I say to myself over and over again:

“Save your legs Mavis – the rise through Manly Vale is deceptive – you know it and have ridden it hundreds of times”

My legs scream back:

“Save your legs??? We are expired – reach down and use your arms to help us!!!”

I dig deep into the Jens Voigt volt of advice:  Shut up and keep pedalling princess (my paraphrase)

The leaders go straight past the end of Sloane Cres:

 “Nooo, the main road hill is much more fierce than the Sloane/Cornwell rise”

“I’m taking the easier route – I call out:  ‘less traffic – safety …’

  • did anyone notice I could hardly speak?
  • do they know I really just went this way because it is easier?
  • at the roundabout my home is straight ahead – I’ll decide about the BP promise when I get to the roundabout …

Arriving at the round about – we are ahead of the main road group by 50m – I told you it is easier up Sloane/Cornwell – I decide that the 50m head start will help me – but by the time I pass Goondari (only 200m up the hill), I’m near the back and by Earawy(50m later) – I’m simply dust – still 300m to Corkery and 1.5 km to the BP – seriously, am I stupid?  I could be home now in my pool!  See above – YES.

But I told MRE to keep me honest – hold me to my BP promise – I have to push through – Jens in my head again …

My legs reply:  “Yes, but that promise doesn’t count – you made that promise when you thought:

  • “… we only ride as fast as the slowest rider … “
  • “… join us, you will enjoy the ride …”
  • “… come to St Ives with us … we’ll wait for you …”

In my head – Jens Voigt …

As I pass the BP I can still see one Yellow and Red jersey ahead – I wonder where they re-group?  I know they will not expect me anyway abd even if they do re-group, they will leave before I arrive – so  I’ll just toddle along and turn around at the top – but why – I said I’d turn at the BP but I’m still going – my arms (remember, the parts of my body that only 15 minutes earlier were called on to help my legs) are completely unresponsive – they can’t muster the energy to turn the handle bars – so I’m stuck going forward – up Allambie Hill.

At about this point, the flood of sweat teaming down my face is so great that my eyes are stinging from the salt and I have to remove my glasses to wipe – peddle, peddle, wipe, peddle peddle wipe etc etc.

“where did that jersey go?”  “Oh yeah, no glasses!”  … see above … YES

“Is that a big bunch of daisies on the road up there – maybe it is the last ER jersey – I wonder IF they re-group?”

  • Legs: “We don’t care – turn around – go home – downhill is good …”
  • Arms: “What?  Can’t move – can’t steer. Stop pedalling – we are just hanging on.”
  • Heads:  Jens Voigt … Jens Voigt … Jens Voigt (why am I saying that name to myself???)  … YES

Wow – they do re-group – wow I’ve made it.

  •  Legs: “Are we there yet?”
  •  Arms: “What?  Can’t move – can’t steer. Please fall over now!”
  •  Legs: “Why do you get a break, we still have to stand!  Can’t we sit on that cool grass?”
  •  Head:  Don’t show pain, don’t show pain.
  • MRE:  Coming to Mona Vale Rd?
  • Head:  Don’t show pain – OK Jens Voigt … Jens Voigt … Jens Voigt   … YES

 

Pretty much the rest of the ride is a blurr – even those parts when I put my glasses back on – everything was spinning.  I rounded the bend at Bunnings to see the ERs at the exit ramp 400m ahead – fortunately nobody wanted to lead nd the group split and then re-grouped – I thought they were waiting for me, so up I stood – I think – and in no time I was on again – they pushed me forward “sit behind a big bloke”.  I amazed myself – after too many kms, I sat in the group and rode through to St Ives, but that Alpine climb up to Richmond Ave is the final straw

 

My Legs call out (in the style of Leighton HEWITT?):  “Come oonnn!!! We are at St Ives already – way past Mona Vale Rd – and who cares where MRE is – just go home already – and just in case you don’t think we are serious – remember that knee re-con you had – and the DVTs you had – and the other issues – well we are going to throw a few cramps your way – just so you know to stop and turn around.”

Head:  There is MRE – he is turning around – phew.

MRE nurses me back to Forest Way shops.  Crossed at the lights and along the footpath to go over Warringah Rd and the Parkway into the Aquatic Centre.

Do you know how steep that hill is out of the Aquatic Centre up to  Madison Way?

Downhill home – what a ride.

Not much sleep last night – legs kept waking me up every few hours with a new cramp: “Don’t do that to us again you fool!”

Head:  Ow, pain!  Jens Voigt, Jens Voigt.

The only reason I rode in today is because I am getting way to tight in my old age to pay $3.60 for the privilege of sitting in a stinking bus going slower than I can ride (even with no legs).

Thanks guys – I’ll try to be a regular on the Allambie return – and I’m currently looking into my diet – found an awesome research paper on the internet about fatty foods vs Carbs vs Protein and when I need to eat them … D’Oh  …  YES

 

Caption Competition #1

 

  1. Bullet admires his reflection “like two badly-parked Volkswagens”
  2. Bullet “Yes mine is more sumptuous…”
  3. ahem … honey when you’ve finished with the chauffeur, I’ve got a bike over here that needs washing
  4. One man’s Rolls is another man’s muffin top.
  5. “Does my arse look big in this?”
  6. Is that what an Egg and Bacon Rolls looks like?
  7. Bullet: “GOTFR!”
  8. “Now calm down and get out of the car darling . I told you months ago what I was planning to wear today.”
  9. “Old Spice…….is that you…….?”
  10. Lady Penelope: Look Parker – is that one of those Easy Riders?
    Parker: Yes M’lady I’m afraid it is.
    Lady Penelope: Is it… Brains?
    Parker: No M’lady, I believe those that know him well call him Virgil… or something of that nature – although perhaps not to his face.
    THUNDERBIRDS ARE GO!
  11. Kiss me Katut.

 

My vote is for 8.